Lessons in Shinobi Love
by ABitOHoney
Summary: After a few too many drinks in celebration of St. Patrick's Day, Sakura finds herself openly admitting to, as well as living, her most secret desires. GaixSakuraxLee crack. Warnings inside. Rated M for sexual content. Not really a 'romance', just smut.
1. Chapter 1: Drunk Love

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto, although there are certainly many male characters I would like to make mine.

**Warnings:** Contains crack pairing(s), possible hints of shonen-ai, tacky euphemisms, and raunchy adult humor. May possibly trigger nightmares, or, in the case of the sick-minded, pleasant dreams.

**You have been warned!**

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**Lessons in Shinobi Love**

**Chapter 1: Drunk Love**

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Although Saint Patrick's Day was not one usually celebrated by the villagers of Konoha, it was certainly a fine excuse to gluttonously consume sake. Even the underage and typically prude were partaking in their fair share of the celebration.

"You're great Naruto! Really, you are!" Sakura slurred as she stumbled out into the streets from an open bar. She wavered drunkenly as she spun around, waving her hand as a goodbye to Naruto and her other fellow genins. Her head spun back around almost too fast for her to handle and she fell against a streetlamp. "Oh, I'm sorry sir," she slurred as she pushed herself back upright.

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Gai, one of the few sober ninja in Konoha that day, wandered the streets in search of his star pupil. He had an obvious expression of fear on his face as he scanned each and every bar, praying that his underling had not yet happened across even one sip of sake. As he came upon the backside of an open bar, he heard the distinct sound of a young woman talking quite brokenly to herself. Stepping around the corner to side of the building, he found an apparently very drunk Sakura stumbling towards him with her head hung, mumbling something about cabbage. Gai stopped in his tracks, watching in astonishment as Sakura waddled towards him.

"Sakura-chan? Are you alright?" Gai finally spoke. Sakura's head remained hung as she stopped just several inches before him, her head nearly bumping into his stomach.

Gai gasped in disbelief as Sakura slowly raised her head to gaze at him, revealing her flush cheeks and half-lidded eyes. An overly-bright smile spread across her face as she exclaimed shrilly, "Gai-sensei! Happy Cabbage and Sake day!" The 's' sounds slurred a little longer than Gai expected, making it clear to him that she was pretty well drunk. He watched as she tried to take a step forward, only to trip over her own foot and fall haphazardly into his arms. Her glossy green eyes gazed up at Gai as she smiled. Realizing the situation, Gai decided to momentarily set aside his initial objectives and scooped Sakura up into his arms. "I think you need to lie down," he spoke sternly as he held her small limp body in his arms.

As Gai ran towards his apartment carrying Sakura, he glanced down at her face to make sure she was still awake. She was gazing up at him, almost longingly, with what he thought were such beautiful green eyes. Such a beautiful young woman he thought to himself with a smile and a hint of a proud tear in his right eye.

Once at his apartment, Gai quickly, but gently, laid Sakura across his bed. She giggled as she tugged playfully at his vest. "I love the color green on you," she slurred with a hint of lust in her tone. Gai's eyes widened momentarily in surprise at her statement. She pulled herself up into a sitting position, gripping Gai's vest with both hands. The force was enough to bust the zipper of his vest.

"I think you should remain lying down Sakura," Gai suggested as he tried to step back. She had a surprisingly strong grip on his vest, which she had now opened, leaving his chest covered only by his form fitting green spandex. She sat at the edge of the bed, her legs open as she pulled Gai between them. His eyes grew wide again as her hands released his vest, only to be placed firmly on his ass cheeks.

"I'm only lying down if you're lying on top of me or beneath me," Sakura slurred seductively, temporarily releasing his ass so as to run an index finger across his chest. She squeezed his cheeks tightly, earning a surprised howl from Gai as he stared down at her in utter astonishment.

"Sakura," Gai began slowly, "It seems that your springtime of youth has mixed a little too heavily with the drink of life." He found his burning crotch was becoming rather close to Sakura's 'flower' as he would have called it. Again, he tried to back away, but Sakura's iron grip on his ass held him powerless. She was certainly strong when she wanted something bad enough.

"I love it when you talk like that, you big, stupid green beast you!" Sakura hissed through her teeth as she pulled Gai with enough force to tip him on top of her on the bed.

Gai released a soft gasp of surprise as he toppled onto Sakura, his face coming close enough to hers that he could smell the mixture of cabbage and sake on her heated breath. Her eyes were still partially closed, though not for the same reason they had been when he originally found her. "Gai," she whispered breathlessly, "I want you."

Gai was unsure what to say or do. The beautifully young blossom beneath him was certainly speaking from over-intoxication, but yet he could not deny a lady her unyielding wish, especially not such a lovely flower. He groaned in agonizing pleasure as he felt Sakura grind herself against his nether regions. "Are you certain this is your wish?" he forced the question between moans.

"What do you think?" Sakura seethed as she entangled her fingers in his soft black hair. Her small pink tongue darted out, sliding across Gai's unsuspecting lips. His lips parted, allowing another short gasp to escape.

"Then I will show you the joys of youthful love," Gai spoke confidently as he slowly unzipped Sakura's top. He not more than unhooked the latch of the zipper when Sakura pulled his lips to hers, her tongue forcing its way into his mouth. His eyes closed as he reveled in the sweet mixture of sake and cherries. He returned her passion, entwining his fingers in her pink locks. Her sweet scent filled his nostrils as he took deep breaths between ravishing kisses.

Gai had to finally break the kiss, unable to breathe. He gasped for air as he gazed lovingly down at his little cherry blossom beneath him. Their hands remained in each other's hair as they both struggled to catch their breath. One of Sakura's legs wrapped around Gai's waist, catching him off guard again. He had never expected, even while she was drunk, that she would be so forward.

"I love your bushy eyebrows and cheesy white smile," Sakura moaned before crushing her lips against Gai's. This time he allowed his tongue to enter her mouth, exploring every region, making mental notes of her responses to each movement, and each spot his tongue slid across. Her hips began to move again, making it harder for Gai to control his groans. Her tongue now slid into his mouth, fighting with his for power.

Not about to surrender to the young woman, Gai fought back with more force, his tongue pushing hers aside. He could feel the heat noticeably rising at the point between her legs as she rubbed herself wantonly against his growing erection. "Sakura," he whispered after breaking the kiss. He gazed into her jade eyes with such passion, tears pushed their way to the corner of his eyes.

"Gai-sensei!" Sakura moaned his name almost pleadingly as she tilted her head back, exposing the tight flesh of her neck. Granting her not so subtle request, Gai began placing soft kisses along her neck and jaw. Her hands were now raking at the tight spandex beneath his vest. As she began tugging more violently, Gai paused his exploration of her skin to sit up and remove his vest.

Sakura watched in disappointment from her spot on the bed as Gai crawled off of her and the bed. "Let me remove these," he spoke softly, and in one swift movement, his spandex and all remaining clothing articles were removed and tossed aside, leaving him standing before her, tall and proud. For a brief moment, he spotted Sakura's eyes widen at the sight of his outlandishly large... well… let's just say he was well endowed.

Gai wasted no time in leaping back onto the bed and straddling a still very drunk and horny Sakura. He offered her one of his 'nice guy' smiles, his shiny white teeth glimmering proudly. Apparently this had quite the affect on Sakura, as she suddenly tackled him, forcing him onto his back on the bed. She was now straddling his naked body, staring down at him with lust-filled eyes. She brought her head down besides his, her lips brushing against his earlobe as she whispered, "Gai-sensei, you're so big." Her slurring tone sent shivers up and down his spine, but he overcame her seductive power and grasped her shoulders, flipping her onto her back and returning himself to the top position.

Sakura's initial surprise quickly wore off and she hissed up at Gai, taking his act as a challenge of power, which it was. She lifted her hands to attempt to roll him over again, but her wrists were immediately caught by his hands. She attempted to wriggle free, but his strength overpowered hers in her drunken state, and he pinned her arm against the bed just above her head. She hissed and seethed beneath his weight. "Stop teasing me you oaf!" she snarled through exposed teeth, surprising Gai by how quickly her mood changed. Apparently, though, she enjoyed the fight for dominance as he observed, because the heat between her thighs had grown ten-fold.

Just as quickly as he had removed his own clothes, Gai stripped Sakura of all her garments, leaving them in a surprisingly neat pile on the floor at the foot of the bed. Both were breathing heavily as Gai grasped Sakura's thighs and slowly spread her creamy legs, revealing her wet flower at the center. "Gai-sensei," she moaned again, her voice thick with dunk love.

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_A/__N: Sorry if this made anyone nauseous. I'm writing this in hopes of making romance/sex scenes a little more comfortable to write. I figured writing humor/crack would aid in that area, and it did. I'm having a blast writing this, and I hope some of you can have a hoot reading it! This will most likely be only a 2-3 chapter story. Please leave me reviews of what you liked or didn't like, but please do not whine about the pairing. I gave fair warning about crack pairings!_


	2. Chapter 2: Unexpected Guest

**Warnings: **Same as in chapter 1. Semi-strong and descriptive sex-scenes. The raunchiness only goes downhill from here boys and girls.

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**Lessons in Shinobi Love**

**Chapter 2: Unexpected Guest**

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As Lee made his way to his sensei's apartment, he began to wonder if he was out drinking with the rest of Konoha. He was grateful that he had been capable himself of avoiding the liquids of celebration that day, knowing he could not even handle one drop of sake. When he came to the front door of Gai's apartment, he could hear loud groans and gasps, coming not only from his sensei, but what also sounded like Sakura. Are they sparring? he wondered. Feeling rather jealous that he was left out of a sparring session with his favorite mentor and his big crush, he opened the door and snuck inside for a closer look.

Lee was rather surprised to find the noises were originating from Gai's bedroom, rather than the large empty room he had designated as his training room. The bedroom door stood cracked open just enough for him to peer inside. His beady eyes caught a glimpse of what looked to be Sakura's headband lying on the bottom corner of the bed. Wow! Must be quite a rough spar. Unable to contain his jealousy or curiosity any longer, he burst through the door, just as Sakura screamed "Gai-sensei" in a rather climactic manner. Lee was completely unprepared for what he was about to witness.

Lee stood in the open doorway in bewilderment, seeing his sensei facing him, in the nude, with a pair of slender and nude feet resting on his shoulders. Gai's head was hung just slightly, as he stared down at the object of his current affections. Lee's beady eyes slowly followed the path of the slender legs, which as he observed, were eventually connected to a slender waist where Gai's hands were firmly placed, leading up to small, but ample breasts, and finally, to a head covered in cascading pink hair that could only belong to one person. "Sakura," he whispered under his breath as realization struck him. His eyes grew wide as he watched her writhing in pleasure as Gai swiftly thrust in and out of her.

Sakura's head tilted back in pleasure, her glossy green eyes catching sight of Lee as he stood bewildered at the events. "Lee…" she moaned, her eyes closing as Gai picked up his pace.

Hearing his subordinate's name whispered from Sakura's lips, Gai raised his head, discovering Lee standing motionless several feet from the bed. "Lee," he groaned, never breaking his stride, "Come over here Lee."

Lee raised his eyes to his sensei's, a look of pure shock plastered on his face at the sight of his sensei's love-making. "Gai-sensei…" Lee murmured, trying to take in everything and make sense of it. He noticed the beads of sweat pouring down Gai's face and his eyes followed the sweat as it fell from Gai's cheeks onto Sakura's ankles, trickling down her smooth legs and drying up just before reaching their thrusting nether regions. Lee's eyes focused heavily on that region, watching as his sensei pulled in and out rhythmically, earning gasps and moans from Sakura's parted lips. The sound of her bliss had Lee feeling unfamiliarly tight in his pants. He released a small groan as Sakura whispered his name again, beckoning him.

"Lee, I said come over here," Gai repeated sternly. "This will be a good lesson for you."

Lee raised his head again, meeting the intense gaze of his mentor. "But Gai-sensei," he whined, his eyes pleading for guidance.

"Do not fret my little green beast. I will show you what to do," Gai spoke gently.

Tears filled Lee's eyes, though not from fear or hurt, but from pure joy. He gave a quick nod to his sensei before rushing to his side. "What must I do sensei?!" he exclaimed, standing tall and ready. Gai slowly removed himself from Sakura, who whined and seethed in a drunken protest.

"Lee will take over for a while," Gai reassured Sakura as she writhed and wriggled on the bed shamelessly. Lee's eyes wandered down to hers, and he noticed her eyes were rather glazed over and she appeared to be overly comfortable with the situation.

"Is she alright?" Lee whispered in concern.

"I won't be if one of you fuzzy-browed men don't tend to me soon!" Sakura snarled.

"She's had a bit to drink for today's celebration," Gai explained to Lee, "but she has willingly requested my aid in pleasuring her." They both took a moment to gaze down at her longingly, enjoying the sight of her petite form and beautiful locks of pink hair that lay strewn out across the bed above her head.

Lee gazed up into his sensei's eyes, waiting for instruction. Gai gave him a reassuring smile before speaking gently, "Go ahead. Explore her with your senses. Look, taste, touch, smell, listen. Her beautiful youth will send each of your senses tingling."

Lee was about to protest, not knowing where to start, when Gai suddenly took his right hand into his own, forcing Lee's palm and fingers gently against the wet petals between Sakura's warm thighs. Lee and Sakura gasped in unison at the sudden touch. New sensation filled Lee's body as his sensei pushed both their middle fingers between Sakura's wet folds, earning another gasp from Lee, and a moan from Sakura. Lee reveled in the wet warmth that surrounded his finger as his sensei forced it deeper inside her flower. "Gai-sensei… it's so warm," Lee groaned through his quickening breaths. Tears filled the corners of both men's eyes as delight and pride filled their hearts.

Gai removed his finger from the wet folds of the beautiful blossom, leaving his other beauty to explore on his own terms. Lee quickly turned his head to his sensei, his eyes searching for answers. "Gai-sensei, I know not what to do!" he cried out, his finger lying motionless inside Sakura's still unsatisfied flower.

With a quick and strong swing of his oversized hand, Gai smacked his student across the face. "I told you to explore her! Use your senses and take heed of her responses! You will learn all you need to know by watching and listening to your little flower!" Tears filled the beady eyes of both men as Lee gave a quick nod, ignoring the throbbing pain in his right cheek. Lee returned his attention to Sakura, watching her affectionately before following his superiors command and exploring her inner depths with his finger.

As Lee moved the tip of his finger along Sakura's inner walls, he noticed her body squirm when he brushed across certain spots. Her moans and cries of joy caused the uncomfortable growth in Lee's pants to expand further. Without removing his finger, he crawled onto the bed over his delicate flower and brought his face to hers. Her emerald eyes sparkled in satisfaction as his index finger slid gently between the wet petals to join with the other finger. He placed a soft kiss on her lips, being careful not to hurt what he thought to be a fragile young woman.

Displeased with such a chaste kiss, Sakura grasped the back of Lee's head with her right hand, forcing his head down and crushing his lips against her own. She kissed him feverishly, her tongue forcing through his parted lips and wrestling with his own. Lee's eyes widened in amazement as so many new sensations spread throughout his body, and sweet new tastes filled his mouth. Her body jerked below him as his thumb ran gently across her bud just above her flower. She whined against his mouth as he took notice of her reactions and continued to run his thumb back and forth across the tiny nub while his fingers pressed gently against her sweet spot.

Sakura released Lee's head, letting her hand fall at her side on the bed, gripping at the sheets as her lower body jerked each time Lee's thumb passed across her bud. Lee lifted his head to observe Sakura's facial features. Her eyes were nearly rolled back inside her head, and her lips were parted, allowing her ragged breaths to quickly escape. She looked like the most beautiful, delicate flower he had ever seen. He could not restrain the tears in his eyes as he whispered her lovely name, "Sakura-san."

Gai stood some few steps away, still completely nude and standing at full attention, watching proudly as the two delicate youths before him partook in wondrous joys together. He felt a deep sense of pride that he was aiding his little green beast in discovering these new joys. "Lee! You're lingering too long on the touching. You must taste her! Give her new satisfaction!" he shouted overdramatically.

Lee looked over his shoulder with a questioning look on his face. "What do you mean sensei? I have already tasted the sweetness of her lips."

Sakura's eyes grew wide at the implications left by Gai, a lush smile covering her face.

"Taste the nectar of her flower. It is like nothing you could ever find anywhere else!" Gai replied, once again with enough brunt and volume to alert the entire village of their act.

Nervousness filled Lee as he backed off Sakura and stared at her swollen flower. Reminding himself he was under the watchful eye of his superior, he gained his courage and slowly removed his wet fingers. Sakura whined again in objection. "Lee-kun, please," she begged wantonly. Wishing not to deny his love anything she desired, Lee placed his hands firmly on Sakura's thighs and knelt down on his knees, bringing his face towards her sweet smelling flower.

Lee's eyes closed as his pink tongue slowly made its way past his lips. Delightful flavor filled his mouth as his tongue slid across the small opening, taking in the tart nectar. Sakura's back arched as she cried out in a pleasure never felt before. "Lee!" she called out, gripping the sheets tighter as she tried to hold herself in place.

Lee took some time to revel in the tangy flavor that rolled across his tongue. He opened his eyes, peering up over the soft pink fields before him, and over the small dumplings on Sakura's chest, his eyes finally resting on Sakura's reddened face. She could feel his eyes on her, and she lifted her head slightly, gazing down at Lee with pleading eyes. She gave him a surprisingly sweet smile before closing her eyes and letting her head fall back on the mattress.

Removing his right hand from Sakura's thigh, Lee began rubbing his thumb across her sensitive nub while his tongue poked through her wet folds. He could feel her hands reach out for his hair, nearly pulling it from his head. His tongue gently lapped at her nectar in slow, rhythmic motions.

"This isn't wine tasting, Lee! Attack her flower with all your might!" Gai burst out suddenly as he grabbed Lee's head, shoving the boy's face into Sakura's wet lower lips. Lee groaned in surprise, but his sounds were muffled by the flesh his mouth had been forced against. Sakura howled in ecstasy as Lee's tongue was jammed further inside her, the tip pressing against her inner walls. Her body convulsed, alarming Lee. Gai released Lee's head, and as Lee was about to back off to examine Sakura's status, she quickly yanked at his ebony hair, keeping his nose buried in her pink curls and his mouth over her swelling petals.

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_A/N: Again I ask, please review. Tell me how disgusting or lovely this smut is! Please! Also, please tell me if this is perhaps too r-rated for ffnet because I am unfamiliar with the mature ratings, seeing as I typically write rather clean fiction. Thanks!_


	3. Chapter 3: Opening the Final Gate

**Warnings: **Same old raunchiness and overuse of tacky euphemisms.

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**Lessons in Shinobi Love**

**Chapter 3: Opening the Final Gate**

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"Lee!" Gai shouted from behind his subordinate, who was currently pleasing his long time crush.

Lee stood up from his position between Sakura's legs, wiping the remaining nectar from his mouth with the back of his hand. He turned to his sensei. "Yes sensei? Am I doing well?"

"Yes. You have made me very proud. And it seems our youthful blossom has equally enjoyed your performance," Gai replied, giving Lee a thumbs up and a flashy smile. "I think it's time though, that you reveal your secret weapon, the throbbing beast that lies within your pants!"

"Yes! Show me your beast, you sexy idiot!" Sakura exclaimed as she sat up and reached out for Lee. She grasped the green material on his chest, and pulled him towards her. He turned to her, a look of surprise on his face.

"I love you Sakura! I will try my best to fulfill your every desire!" Lee exclaimed. Tears poured from the eyes of both of the Konoha green beasts.

"Go for it Lee!" Gai chanted, holding a fist out before him as the tears continued to rain heavily from his eyes.

Sakura watched anxiously as Lee removed his clothes in a quick flash just as his sensei had done, sending his green spandex soaring across the room. To her utter delight, his little beast, was not so little, in fact, it was larger than his superior's. Even Gai was caught off guard by the size of Lee's hidden weapon. Lee's confidence quickly faded though, as the current situation became clear in his mind. He was about to do the forbidden dance with his crush of over five years, the love of his life. "Sakura, are you certain this is your wish? Are you speaking from intoxication, or from your heart?"

"I've always wanted you Lee. Now take me!" Sakura screamed. "I'm tired of waiting. If you don't hop on right now, I'll take your sensei instead!"

Worried that his little beast was about to be denied his battle, Gai took desperate measures. "Lee! You are too tense and uneasy about this! You must engage her immediately!" Swiftly, he ran to the kitchen and back to the bedroom, just as Lee turned to him inquisitively. "Take this Lee!" he exclaimed, reaching out a hand that held a small glass. Lee reluctantly took the glass, peering inside at the few drops of liquid that rolled around at the bottom.

"What is this sensei? Some sort of muscle or sense-enhancing drug?" Lee questioned as he examined the dark liquid.

"Do not question it Lee! Just drink it!" Gai commanded.

With a quick nod of compliance, Lee closed his eyes and drank the few drops of warm liquid. His eyes shot open as realization struck him. Gai watched apprehensively, silently praying to the heavens that he had not made a mistake by giving Lee sake. Even it was a miniscule amount, there was no telling how Lee would react.

Lee's body shook violently for a brief moment before his entire body went limp and his head dropped, his chin resting against his naked chest.

Sakura, growing impatient, demanded, "Gai-sensei, bring your hot ass over here now!" Her loud voice alerted Lee, his head lifting as he came to full attention. His eyes narrowed dangerously at Sakura. She gazed up at him almost fearfully as he crawled onto the bed, hovering over her dominantly.

"Your battle is with me, Sakura-san," Lee growled eerily low.

Sakura's eyes lit up with excitement. "Now that's what I'm talking about!" she purred as Lee grasped her wrists, pinning her hands against the bed.

"I will not hold back, my little cherry blossom!" Lee announced as he took her wrists into one hand and gripped her right thigh with the other.

"Gods Lee, you are so hot!" Sakura screamed as Lee forced her legs open despite how willing she was.

Before she new it, Sakura was pinned against the wall at the head of the bed, held up merely by Lee's arms wrapped around her thighs. Without delay, Lee was inside her and she cried to the heavens as he thrust violently at her tight little flower.

"Open the first gate Lee!" Gai exclaimed.

Sakura's green eyes grew wide. "You've got to be kidding me! This isn't a combat!" Her voice cracked as Lee thrust inside her.

"Yes Sakura-san, this is a battle... a battle to fulfill your needs, to aid you in enjoying the springtime of youth!" Lee exclaimed proudly. His eyes grew dark as he yelled, "I'm opening the first chakra gate!" His pace grew substantially and his grip on Sakura's thighs tightened.

"Bring... me... more... sake... now Gai!" Sakura howled between poundings as the wall behind her began to crack from the sheer force exerted against her body. She closed her eyes in ecstasy until she heard Gai call out to her.

"Sakura, here is your request!" Gai called out as he held a small glass near her right hand. She quickly snatched it up, downing the burning liquid just before Lee snatched the glass from her hand and threw it across the room. The glass shattered and Lee crushed his lips against Sakura's, nearly taking her breath away as he continued to pummel her sweet flower.

Sakura's eyes grew glossy again, and a placid smile spread across her face.

"You're doing great Lee!" Gai called out, watching in admiration as his star student opened the next two gates.

Lee was now thrusting with so much vigor that the wall began to crumble, pieces of drywall falling onto Sakura's shoulders as she moaned and cried her feelings of joy.

"Fourth gate open!" Lee yelled, "Fifth gate open!" The next thing Sakura new, the wall behind her burst and she was sent soaring through along with Lee, who even in their flight kept up the insanely fast pace. They crashed onto the hardwood floor of Gai's training room, a sharp gasp escaping Sakura's lips. Lee gave her no time to proclaim her pleasure as he captured her lips once again.

Gai stood just outside the hole in the bedroom, watching his student's most pride-filled moment in history. He was witnessing his little green beast blooming into a beautiful young man. His heart cried out in joy and a fountain of tears poured from his eyes. "You can do it Lee! Open the sixth gate!" he cheered.

Lee surpassed what he had never thought possible, he opened the sixth gate, chakra flowing through his entire body as he rammed his delicate flower like a freight train. Come on Lee! Your sensei is watching. You can do it. Just two more gates! Make Gai-sensei proud! Lee told himself as he prepared to open the seventh chakra gate. An aura of chakra engulfed him and his fragile flower beneath him. Her eyes rolled back inside her head as her body went almost entirely numb. The sake mixed with unimaginable pleasures sent her head spinning.

"Seventh... gate... open!" Lee shouted. Splinters from the wooden floor boards surrounding them began to lift into the air, Lee's chakra bending the wood panels. "Final... gate... open!" he screamed. An enormous burst of chakra filled the room and time seemed to stop for Lee as he obliterated the wooden floor. He watched in slow motion as his lovely cherry blossom screamed his name loud enough for the entire village to hear. As they reached their climax together, Sakura slowly faded into darkness, falling unconscious with a smile of pure delight on her soft face.

As the time seemed to catch back up to speed, Lee gazed down lovingly at his favorite flower. He had never imagined sharing something so wonderful with her. He allowed the gates to close as he slowly removed beastly weapon from her petals. Once on his feet, he turned to the hole in the wall behind him. His sensei stood there, lips quivering and eyes watering.

"Lee! I'm so proud of you!" Gai finally blurted as he darted through the hole and embraced his student in a warm embrace. Lee gazed up at his mentor, both of the crying uncontrollably as they held each other tightly, uncaring that their naked body parts were freely brushing against each other.

"Thank you Gai-sensei! I have learned so much from this training! I will forever remember this day, and think of you in the future every time I engage Sakura-san!"

After finally breaking their embrace, Lee made his way to Sakura's limp, and seemingly ravished, body. Gently, he scooped her delicate body into his arms and carried her to the bed. He lay her down and pulled the sheets over her.

"For now I think we shall rest," Gai spoke sternly, "Tomorrow we can resume your training. Perhaps I can demonstrate a few of my secret techniques."

Lee nodded, and the two naked green beasts gave each other their signature nice guy poses, their pearly whites glistening proudly after a hard days work.

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_A/N: I should really be punished for writing such a story, but it was fun. I really hope that some of you have sick enough humor to enjoy this, and perhaps even lend me your thoughts. There will be one more chapter involving the aftermath of Sakura's St. Patrick's Day adventures._

_Also, I had some difficulty uploading this chapter for some odd reason. I ended up having to just upload a random file and replace the text with that of the chapter, but it came out a little garbled. I did my best to fix the errors, but I'm sure I missed a few. Please inform me of any strange question marks, missing spaces, or any other key strokes that don't belong or are missing. Thanks!__  
_


	4. Chapter 4: The Aftermath

**Warnings:** Not many other than more disturbing mental imagery, that is if you do not like GaixSakuraxLee, which strangely enough, I do after writing this. Also some mild cursing and mildly descriptive… uhm… how do I put this… barf?

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**Lessons in Shinobi Love**

**Chapter 4: The Aftermath**

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Sakura awoke to a sickening feeling in the pit of her stomach. She blinked several times, trying to adjust to the blinding light that seemed to be pouring in from a nearby window. She groaned as she shifted in the bed, her head spinning and throbbing, and pain shot down her spine as if she had been in some hardcore battle the night before. She struggled to gather her thoughts, but the pain enveloping her body stole her concentration.

"1635… 1636… 1637…"

Sakura could hear what she guessed to be one… no… two men counting in unison. She balled her hands into fists and warily rubbed them against her eyes. What happened last night? And where the hell am I? She realized that the green satin sheets she lay in did not belong to her bed. As the realization hit her, she began to panic. She was not in her bed, which meant she was not in her house, which meant she had stayed the night at some man's house. Her heart rate quickened as she desperately tried to remember the events of the night prior. All she could seem to recall was drinking with Naruto and the gang in celebration of St. Patrick's Day.

"1659… 1660…" The counting continued, and Sakura fearfully lifted her head to inspect the source. Her eyes shot open in horror as she found herself staring at a pair of naked genitals moving up and down in the same rhythm as the counting. Bile quickly rose up her throat and into her mouth as she stared in awe at what appeared to be two upside-down naked men, one significantly shorter than the other. Their feet were in the air and their packages swung and hopped with each number spoken and each upward movement. Despite her inner disapproval, she sat up fully to further examine who each of the genitalia belonged to. Sharp pains raked her body with each slight movement she made, making conscious thoughts more and more difficult. Through the pain and nausea, she was unfortunately able to gather the fact that she had possibly been with not just one person the night before, but two. She also realized, as she stared down at herself, that she was completely nude, and rather battered. What have I done? She cried to herself.

Now in a full upright position in the bed, Sakura could almost see the faces of her mystery nude men, who were apparently doing push-ups. Before she had the chance to take a good look, her right hand ran across something strange at her side. She turned to find a green lump of some fabric other than the sheets. She strained her eyes, still struggling to recover her vision. The material felt rather stretchy as she picked it up. Horror filled her as she made out the item in question. It can't be! Oh God, please tell me this is just a coincidence… or some sick joke. Please! She prayed to herself as she slowly crawled towards the end of the bed.

To Sakura's utter regret, she found herself staring at a matching pair of fuzzy-browed faces, covered in sweat from their morning routine. Both men spotted the ghostly white face of Sakura peering at them from the edge of the bed. Together, the naked beasts of Konoha back-flipped and spun in one swift motion. Gai stood tall and proud in all his glory, his hands placed firmly on his hips as he flashed his pearly whites. Lee stood, not as confident, beside his mentor, his beady eyes watching Sakura closely.

"Good morning Sakura-san!" Lee exclaimed as Sakura raised her head to gaze nauseously at the two.

"Last night's training went great! I am proud of you Sakura!" Gai exclaimed, giving Sakura a thumbs up.

Sakura's eyes slowly moved from Lee's face to Gai's disgustingly enthusiastic smile. That was it for her. She quickly leapt from the bed, running in search of the restroom. Thankfully, it happened to be right outside the bedroom. She threw herself at the toilet, hanging her head over it as she retched and heaved, body fluids pouring from her mouth in a very un-ladylike fashion. She could hear Lee rush in behind her, kneeling down beside her. He rested a hand upon her shoulder, most likely meant for comfort, but it only made Sakura heave more. She wished more than anything; she could just expel everything that had happened, retch until her mind was clear of all the vile things that slowly came back to her.

"Sakura-san, are you alright?" Lee whispered, gently rubbing Sakura's back.

Sakura's eyes moved from the overfilled toilet to the crouching boy beside her. She stopped upon the boy's package which lay so open and clear before her. She heard Gai come in, hovering over her, and she just knew he was standing with his stuff on display just as openly as Lee's. Have they no shame? No dignity? No respect for the weak-stomached? She whined in her head as she returned to the toilet to expel more stomach bile. She really did not give a rat's ass that she was currently sitting on the bathroom floor in the nude, her legs wrapped around the toilet, and her face hanging over the opening as disgusting green liquids spilled from her mouth. She honestly could not look disgusting enough to make the two overly-hairy men disappear. She was going to kill Naruto for this.

"Perhaps a nice cold shower will return you to your youthful self, Sakura," Gai suggested as he crouched down at Sakura's other side. Sakura turned to him, her face expressionless and the corners of her mouth harboring residual stomach bile. His disgustingly goofy face just smiled back. Her head began to spin again and her body went numb. Her eyes closed as she began to fall back, and she prayed that they would just let her head hit the floor and end her misery. Of course, Sakura was not a lucky girl. Denying her of her desired unconsciousness, Gai and Lee caught her just before her head could hit the tiled floor, and together they scooped her into their arms, carrying her towards the shower.

Her eyes closed, and her body relaxed, Sakura began to daydream about being someplace wonderful. As she heard the shower turn on, she pictured herself dancing through the streets in the gentle rain. Lee removed one of his hands from under her to gently brush aside a few strands of pink hair that had fallen across her face, and she imagined the hand belonged to Sasuke, who was joining her in her romp amongst the rain.

Reality hit Sakura hard in the face as she felt the shockingly cold water hit her body as she was placed into an insanely cold shower. Her eyes shot open, a scream escaping her lips as she struggled to free herself from the strong hold of the men.

"Do not fret Sakura-san. The cool water will rejuvenate your body," Lee tried to reassure Sakura as she struggled to free herself.

"Yes, Lee is correct Sakura. A cold shower cleanses the soul and tightens the muscles, bringing you back to your youth!" Gai chimed in.

Sakura was finally free from the grasp of the men, but was sandwiched between the two, facing Gai. Her body wavered, her mind still rather cloudy, leaving her disoriented. She fell against Gai's large chest and a strange warmth rushed through her body, concentrating in an area she least expected. She stared, without expression, at the well-defined chest before her. Why am I feeling suddenly aroused? I'm completely sober now. There's no excuse for this! She scolded herself mentally. Yet, she could not seem to peel her eyes from Gai's chest, at least until she found something else a little lower to fixate on. She groaned in pain, uneasiness, and pleasure all in one as the cold water fell down her back, and the warmth of two men's skin pressed against her front and backside. She closed her eyes a reveled in the mixed emotions as Gai and Lee both stepped closer to her, wrapping their arms around her and each other in a caring embrace.

Sakura was surprised at how warm she felt despite the freezing cold water cascading down her body. She pondered in her mind, how two guys she had used to find so obnoxious and queer, could be so arousing. Maybe it was the fact that she was with two guys, not necessarily the guys in particular that she was with. Or maybe it really was them. They were rather passionate, not to mention strong-willed and energetic.

Sakura inwardly scolded herself for even thinking of the possibility that she could find either men attractive in any manner. I can't let this go any further. I must end this now before I do something while I'm sober. As long as all I've done was while I was drunk, then I can claim I was taken advantage of. Satisfied with that thought, Sakura quickly removed herself form between the Konoha beast sandwich and made a mad dash into the bedroom, throwing on only her skirt and top, neglecting her undergarments to save time. Just as Gai and Lee emerged from the bathroom to question her, she dashed out the front door and into the thankfully empty streets.

"Sakura! Come back later for more training!" Lee and Gai called out in unison as they watched Sakura disappear down the street.

Lee turned to his sensei, a look of concern apparent on his face. "Gai-sensei, do you think that Sakura-san is going to be alright?"

Gai nodded in certainty as he replied, "Of course Lee! In fact, I am certain she will be back later tonight for another round!"

Lee smiled, holding a fist out before him triumphantly as he spoke, "I will thrust into my little flower 1000 times tonight! And if I can not, I will thrust 5000 times!" Gai's eyes filled with tears of joy as he watched and listened with great pride. That's my Lee.

* * *

Meanwhile, Sakura headed straight for the one place she knew she could find her current target. As she came upon the Ichiraku ramen shop, she spotted the blond-haired ninja she had been searching for. "Na-ru-to," she growled under her breath.

Naruto spun on his stool, dripping ramen noodles hanging from his mouth. He slurped them up, the juices splashing onto Sakura's already fuming face. "Hi Sakura-chan!" he exclaimed with a bright and sheepish smile on his face. He stepped down from his seat and approached her, hand behind his head, oblivious to his horrible fate. "Yesterday was a blast wasn't it?" He paused briefly, as if contemplating something. "By the way, where did you go for the rest of the night? Ino said she thought she saw you carried off by someone in green spandex. Did you hang out with Lee?"

Naruto's prodding only worsened his fate as Sakura's eyes twitched with each word spoken. Naruto's expression changed as he watched Sakura step closer and closer to him, a look of pure rage on her pretty little face.

"I'm going to kill you Naruto. I'll give you 5 seconds to run as fast as you can," Sakura seethed, raising a fist to Naruto's face.

Naruto raised his hands before his own face, waving them erratically. "Wait a second Sakura!" he howled, taking several steps back.

"1… 2…"

Naruto continued to step back until he was cornered between Sakura and the ramen shop wall. "I'm sorry! I don't know what I did, but I'm sorry!"

"3…"

Sakura took several more steps closer, breaking the already small distance between them. Her eyes narrowed dangerously.

"4…"

"Sakura please! I'll make it up to you! Are you mad about the drinking?" Naruto tried desperately to negotiate with the furious girl.

"5…"

"Crap!" Naruto yelled as he turned on his heel and began running for his life.

"I'll catch you Naruto! And you will pay for what you've put me through!" Sakura yelled sadistically as she took off after him.

* * *

Sakura, Hinata, Kiba, Tenten, Naruto, Ino, and Choji all sat at a large table, discussing future missions. Naruto sat at the opposite side of Sakura, cowering from her gaze as he held a hand over his puffy and blackened right eye.

Gai and Lee approached from behind Sakura, who was unaware of their presence.

"Sakura, will you be joining us soon for more training?" Lee blurted out.

Gai was quick to follow with his own horribly wrong statement, "We very much enjoyed last night's round. I feel young again!"

Sakura's eyes grew large as bile once again returned to her mouth and her stomach churned. The other members of their meeting stared at her in awe, each one, with the exception of naïve Naruto, caught the implications of the green beasts' words. Naruto looked from Sakura, to Lee, to Gai, to the others and back to Sakura. "What's wrong?" he questioned, dumfounded by everyone's strange reactions.

Hinata leaned closer to Naruto, whispering something for only him to hear, a blush on her face as she spoke. Naruto's eyes widened as she sat back in her chair. "Sakura! You slept with fuzzy-brows and Gai-sensei?!" he hollered, earning sighs and moans from the surrounding onlookers. "Way to go Sakura!"

Sakura stared blankly as the world turned black before her. Finally, luck was on her side as her vision and hearing faded out and she quickly passed out.

* * *

_A/N: It is complete! Please tell me somebody out there has the same deranged and sick sense of humor I do, and found this at least semi-amusing! Heck, I'll be happy even if you tell me it was sexy, though not my intentions. Either way, I laughed the entire time and I guess that's what counts._


End file.
